This page includes complementary elements to the core report that evidence my learning and engagement in my fields. All are not included in the wordcount.
In order to 'stack functions', I have uploaded the resources from this output on my Empty Cages Design website here:
This archive has more hits than my mahara portfolio and will disseminate the material further.
I have uploaded 100+ resources so far about agroecology, and aim to continue uploading them throughout the year beyond the life of this output packet.
In my other output periods, I have proactively tracked certain things, such as the number of hours sleep I have, or the amount of time spent on the computer. I did not utilise this form tracking system during this output, mainly because I was recovering from a chronic illness and had limited time and attention to complete a daily form. I do have some regret in this decision, because it would have created some useful and interesting data that tracked my recovery.
However, I did track my recovery in other ways, most notably in my blog series on overcoming burnout.
Below you can find links to the various entries that share reflections. The learning from this writing and life experience has resulted in many self-gare gains, such as an increased awareness of my own body, starting a yoga practice, increased attention to my nutrition and various deficiencies, greater amounts of sleep and rest, as well as greater attention to socialising and nourishing quality friendships.
Burnout Blogs in this OP Period (June to December 2017)
- 23 - Final Words (my very last burnout blog!)
- 22 - Putting the Move into Movement (about the role of physical training in social struggles)
- 21 – Fuck Yeah Femme (about embracing my emotionality and empathy as a strength not a weakness)
20 – Disembodiement, Intimacy, and Capitalism (about trauma, dissociation and relationships)
Prior Burnout Blogs
- 19 - The Ecology of Feeling Shit (vitamin deficiencies, gut flora, parasites etc that contribute to poor mental health)
18 - This shit is vicarious (vicarious trauma)
17 - Fear (role of fear in mental health)
16 - How to not leave people behind (how to support people with a chronic illness to stay engaged in social struggles)
15 - Organising with a chronic illness (how it feels to be involved in social movements with a chronic illness)
14 - What the f**k is costochondritis?! Physically healing from burnout (how I have physically healed e.g. massage, herbs etc)
12 - The Relentless Rollercoaster of Prisoner Support (how it feels to do long-term prisoner support work)
9 - When class is a struggle (the challenges of working with middle/upper class folks)
8 - Hindsight is a beautiful thing (what I would have done differently to prevent burnout)
7 - Composting Grief (how we process grief in social movements)
6 - Patriarchy makes me tired (role of gender in burnout)
3 - Transforming not withdrawing (how to overcome burnout without dropping out)
I track the skill flexes I am gaining through output work in my google spreadsheet the Skill Flex Assessment Tracker. You can view the tracker here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/12FsF3TbpYqc3JrRbDa2DyYpN3kEAGUVxmOxwGoy52jo/edit?usp=sharing
In summary, the main skills I have cultivated during this Output Period, specifically relating this this output can be found on page one of this output report.
In what ways does my life not feel liberating? How am I reproducing capitalism?
- being a wage slave/doing stuff I wouldn't otherwise do for money
- not spending quality time with ppl I love
- not treating my body with kindness eg getting it up early, not exercising enough etc
- not spending time on the land
- prison visits
- living with Ian vs living on a collective project/squatting
- not traveling/going on adventures
- being scared of men/sexual assault/gender stuff
- being healthy/not having chronic health issues/being able to rest and recover
- learning new things/having time to read/write/explore
- developing my spirituality
- learning an instrument/playing in a band
- more sex!
Sources of unhappiness
Body/not feeling fit/shit skin
Climate change/fear of future
Feeling like feed Avalon hasn't had an impact/barely making a dent locally
Feel unsupported in the coop, lacking goals
Feel unintelligent around science stuff/intimidated by uni process like so inaccessible
Slight anxiety about age/if I'll ever have a family etc
Obvs upset about loosing funding
25th August 2017
There IS a place for me in the soil science community. My work as a political agroecologist can support this field to understand the political, social and economic forces and complexities that shape our soil. My work as a social movement organiser can accelerate solutions. I can help
communicate the findings of the soil science community and I can help the soil science community do science in a way that is bottom-up, collaborative and effective in changing soil care practices. As a grower I can viscerally feel some of the barriers to improved soil care and can help explore solutions to these. Yes, I want to indulge my inner geek and I want to learn about the physical, biological, and chemical properties of soils. But that doesn't mean I have to interact with this field in a way that erases my previous skills or interests, or believe that I'll never be good enough compared to those with science phds or whatever. I am choosing to follow my passion, push my edges and grow the field in it's awareness of the political ecology of soils so that we can truly amplify regenerative systems.
9th August 2017
So some sad, sad news.
Sam went to hospital today for final biopsies. Team have said the tumours are too complex now to be treated with an operation or laser treatment (which were two options mentioned last time when we learnt the cancer hasn't spread to other organs). So 100% gonna be chemoradiotherapy. Not sure of start date, they said to Sam about 28 days to get results and have team meeting again etc. So most likely September.
If this was treated months ago she could have just had laser treatment. I'm so fucking angry at HMP. But gonna save my energy for supporting Sam before letting my rage out on the prison system.